Friday, April 1, 2011

Just the Fax


Just the Fax
by Felice Prager


Lotsa Lox Restaurant: Hello. Lotsa Lox Restaurant. Home of the Giant Bagel. How may I help you?

Jennifer: Hi! Is this the restaurant with the giant bagel in the window?

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: Yes, it is. We're the Home of the Giant Bagel.

Jennifer: Can you fax me a menu?

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: Excuse me?

Jennifer: Can you fax me a menu?

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: Oh, fax you a menu!

Jennifer: Well, can you?

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: Sorry, that would be impossible.

Jennifer: Impossible?

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: Yes, impossible.

Jennifer: Why is it impossible?

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: Because we don't have a fax machine.

Jennifer: You don't have a fax machine?

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: That's what I said.

Jennifer: How can you not have a fax machine?

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: We just don't.

Jennifer: Everyone has a fax machine.

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: Apparently that's not true.

Jennifer: Excuse me?

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: I said, "Apparently, that's not true."

Jennifer: Why not?

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: Because we don't have one.

Jennifer: Why not?

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: Because we don't need one.

Jennifer: Everyone needs one.

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: We don't.

Jennifer: Well, you apparently do.

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: No, we don't.

Jennifer: Yes, you do.

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: Why do you say that?

Jennifer: Because if you had one, you could fax me a menu.

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: Well, next time you're here, you can pick up a menu.

Jennifer: Can you have your delivery boy drop one off?

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: Sorry.

Jennifer: Sorry?

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: Yeah, we can't have our delivery boy drop one off.

Jennifer: Why not?

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: Because we don't have a delivery boy.

Jennifer: Why not?

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: Because we don't deliver.

Jennifer: You don't deliver?

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: That's what I said.

Jennifer: Why not?

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: Because we don't.

Jennifer: You should.

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: Oh, yeah?

Jennifer: Yeah. How can you make any money if you don't deliver?

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: We make lots of money.

Jennifer: How?

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: People come HERE to eat.

Jennifer: Excuse me?

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: People come here to eat.

Jennifer: They do?

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: Yes, they do.

Jennifer: Why?

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: Maybe because we don't deliver.

Jennifer: I guess that makes sense.

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: It does to me.

Jennifer: No fax. No delivery. The next thing you'll tell me is you need reservations.

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: Normally.

Jennifer: I don't know how places like yours can stay open.

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: We've been here for fifteen years.

Jennifer: No kidding.

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: No kidding. We've been in business for fifteen years.

Jennifer: My boss wants a bagel for lunch.

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: You can come pick one up.

Jennifer: He also wants me to be here to answer his phone.

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: I'm sorry I can't help you.

Jennifer: He's gonna be mad if I leave the phones. He might even fire me.

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: I can't help you.

Jennifer: Hey, are you hiring?

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: Hiring?

Jennifer: Yeah. A girl has to think ahead. I think I'd like to work for you. Do you have any openings?

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: We're always looking for people willing to work hard.

Jennifer: Well that's me!

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: Come on by then and pick up an application.

Jennifer: I can't do that. My boss wants me to answer the phone.

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: You can stop by after work.

Jennifer: Hey, I have a better idea.

Lotsa Lox Restaurant: What's that?

Jennifer: Can you fax me an application!