Xeriscaping - A Blooming Backyard Desert

To some, a garden must be lush and green with flowers, plants, manicured lawns, bushes, hedges, and trees. We had one of those when we lived in New Jersey. Our chores included mowing, raking, trimming, removing weeds, and maintaining. It was a labor of love, and it looked beautiful.
When we moved to Arizona’s Sonoran Desert, however, we were aware that maintaining a garden would be nearly impossible. How could we get color in a backyard when water was a commodity and daily temperatures would burn most plants?
But when we built our house, the landscapers we hired tried to re-create New Jersey in our backyard – and we tried to maintain it. We had a lawn that we mowed when it was 110 degrees F. in the shade.
We filled bare patches with grass seed where the sun burned the old. We planted things only to realize that if something isn’t indigenous to the area, it’s difficult to keep it alive. We installed a drip-irrigation system, but one by one, our bushes and plants died.
Then we had a revelation. We decided that since we saw beauty in the desert, we would focus on that instead of trying to re-create what worked in another part of the country. We would have a picture-postcard desert paradise right in our own backyard.
The concept is called xeriscaping. The idea is to decrease the harsh effects of the desert climate and increase energy efficiency by understanding the challenges and options available.
We opted for the most minimalistic approach. We wanted our yard to look natural – like the desert it used to be before man stepped in. We wanted people to see our yard as a continuation of the desert arroyos adjacent to it.
We started by removing the lawn. It was not environmentally correct by any stretch of the imagination to use so much water. In its place, we decorated with sand, stones, and boulders.
We transplanted cacti that had outgrown pots and put them into the ground. We did research and learned which plants required full sunlight and which required shade or defused sunlight.
I opted for plants that needed little or no watering. The concept was that if it needed more than a bucket a month, it didn’t fit into the plan.
In fact, after planting the cacti, I became very aware of when we had rain or lacked it. I watered each plant (during the hot summer) on the first of the month – unless it had rained.
What I noticed over time was that I rarely had to water anything if it belonged in the desert. Natural rainfall was enough. Overwatering tended to rot the plants’ roots.
Cacti that grew just a little in pots, grew huge in the ground. Some even flowered, which hadn’t when they lived in pots. What started as rocks and some little plants is now a cactus garden of enviable proportions.
Many cacti also have another positive trait. If a cactus becomes overgrown, you can carefully remove a piece of it and plant it elsewhere. These cuttings grow into brand-new plants. In fact, if someone is visiting and comments on my cactus garden, I say, “Which is your favorite?” and I send them home with a cutting from it.
Like most Arizonans, we also have a swimming pool, which most of us who live in the desert find to be a necessity when it’s 115 degrees F. outside. Having xeriscaping helps me feel less guilty about the water a pool uses.
My favorite of all my plants is my cereus in the front of my house. When we planted it about 20 years ago, it was roughly 18 inches high and had only one stalk.
I have a photo somewhere of my sons standing next to it on the first day of school – both pretty miserable because vacation is over. In the photo, both boys are taller than the plant was at the time.
Today, the plant is taller than my house and has about 20 arms. I watch this plant more than all the others. It often gets scattered buds on the various arms. As these become larger, they bloom. The last time the cereus flowered, we had 61 flowers – yes, I counted – a few opened every night.
It takes about 10 days from start to finish for one bud to become a flower. The flower opens slowly at sunset into a five-inch white flower. I’ve read that bats like them. In the morning, bees are drinking their last taste of nectar, and by about 8 a.m., when the sun is on them, they have completed their life cycle.
One morning, I went out to get the newspaper and there was one flower opened. As I stood and admired it, a new neighbor walked by with her dog. She asked me what type of plant it was and I told her. She said that she planned to relandscape her property with a more natural look than the previous owners had.
Later that day, I went to her house and handed her a small cutting from my cereus plant. I explained the plant’s history, and together we planted it in her front yard.
When she asked me what she had to do to keep it alive, I told her the truth: “Leave it alone. Admire it. Appreciate the beauty of the desert.”

- - -
©2008 by Felice Prager. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
(Originally published by the Christian Science Monitor - September 22, 2008.)

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NEGOTIABLE
AND
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NEGOTIATIONS

BY
FELICE PRAGER

WAITING

IN THE

WRONG LINE

A PERILOUS ADVENTURE OF GENUINE LOVE AND

UNBELIEVABLE IMPERTURBABILITY

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QUIZ IT: ARIZONA

101 Fun Facts About The Grand Canyon State

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Grand Canyon Skywalk

Before the Grand Canyon Skywalk even opened to the public, more than 2500 articles appeared about it in Great Britain, Germany, Italy, Japan, France, Australia, the United States, and other places around the world. Before anyone stepped out onto the cantilevered glass bridge, Popular Mechanics called it the “best of what’s new” in engineering. Ultimately, the Grand Canyon Skywalk has a lot of hype to live up to, and its fate will be determined by how tourists react to this new attraction. It has received a huge amount of national and international media attention, including having astronaut Buzz Aldrin lead the first walkers onto the Grand Canyon Glass Skywalk in a private ceremony on March 20, 2007. Since March 28, 2007, Grand Canyon Skywalk’s opening day, the lines to get onto the glass bridge have been long and interest has remained strong - despite the heat, the cost, the conditions in this remote area of Arizona, and the controversy surrounding the construction.

The Grand Canyon Skywalk is located at Grand Canyon West on the Hualapai Indian Reservation. It is not in Grand Canyon National Park as many have thought it was. In fact, it is a 3-hour drive from Las Vegas through Hoover Dam, a 6-hour drive from Phoenix through Wickenburg and Kingman, and a 5-hour drive from the Grand Canyon’s South Rim. Geographically speaking it is located approximately halfway between Las Vegas and the South Rim, but it is not easy getting there.

No matter what route you take, Dolan Springs Diamond Bar Road is at the end of your trip. This is a 15-mile unpaved and deeply rutted road. Since car rental agencies consider this off-road travel, you will be held liable if any damage to your vehicle is incurred. In addition, unless you are an off-road savvy driver or passenger, this is not for everyone.

Many who have visited Grand Canyon West’s Skywalk have opted to take advantage of a Park and Ride Shuttle Service offered from the Grand Canyon West Welcome Center located near Meadview, Arizona. This costs $10 per person and reservations are required.

There is also an entry fee of $49 per person into Grand Canyon West. This is called the “Spirit Package” which includes a permit to enter the area, photo opportunities with members of the Hualapai tribe in ceremonial regalia, Native American performances, transportation to a non-working mine and the glass bridge, and an all-you-can-eat western style buffet lunch. There are upgrades available to this package that include rim-side Hummer tours and horseback riding, helicopter rides down to the Colorado River, and pontoon trips on the river. These upgrades cost between $50 and $200 per person.

None of these fees includes actually walking onto the Grand Canyon Skywalk. That costs an additional $25 per person. Thus, the minimum cost for this excursion, is $75 per person. For the adventurous, it could wind up costing several hundred dollars per person.

The Skywalk is a U-shaped glass bridge jutting 70 feet past the rim of the Grand Canyon. The other side of the Canyon can be seen three miles away. The bridge is advertised as being 4000 feet high although it is said to be only about 2000 feet from the bridge to the Colorado River below which is already high above sea level. The Skywalk is not directly above the main canyon, Granite Gorge, which contains the Colorado River, but instead extends over a side canyon. The walls and floor are built from glass that is 4 inches thick. According to the press, the Skywalk is capable of holding 70 tons of weight, or the equivalent of 800 people weighing 175 pounds each. However, the permitted capacity on the Skywalk is limited to 120 persons at a time. Promotions claim that the Skywalk is sturdy enough to hold the weight of a dozen fully loaded 747’s, and strong enough to withstand winds up to 100 miles per hour and earthquakes.

Before stepping onto the glass walkway, all cameras, cell phones, keys, and other personal belongings must be surrendered so as not to puncture or scratch the glass. Visitors are given booties to wear over their shoes for the same purpose. Though the tourist is invited to bring cameras to the Skywalk, these are not permitted on the bridge. Souvenir photographs are available for sale.

Many visitors have been disappointed with the differences between the artist renderings and advertisements of the Skywalk and what the Skywalk actually is like. It is not as picturesque as the original well-know Grand Canyon National Park but it is still awe-inspiring.

To the dismay of many travelers, the site itself is also not developed yet as it is a work-in-progress. Those who have spent the money to see and walk on the bridge claim it looks more like a construction site. The site has at least 15 more years of construction ahead of it, at a minimum, to get it to be as the builders envision it.

There is also no nearby lodging available at this time. Tourists must go to Kingman which is one and a half hours away or to Laughlin or Las Vegas which is further just to find hotels. Some have opted to travel from Las Vegas or the South Rim via airplane tours to avoid the difficulties in finding lodging at the site.

To date, the Skywalk has experience long lines in blistering heat. Grand Canyon West is considerably hotter than Grand Canyon National Park. Since it is so far from civilization, there has been a shortage of water and food at times.

It is hoped that Grand Canyon West’s Skywalk Project will give an economic boost to the Hualapai Indian Tribe, who have battled widespread unemployment and poverty for decades. That is their dream though it is still far off. The concept was the dream of Las Vegas entrepreneur, David Jin, who, with the help of Las Vegas design firm, Lochsa Engineering, came up with this project.

According to Hualapai officials, the cost of the Skywalk alone will exceed $40 million when it is complete. This includes nothing but the Skywalk. Future plans for the Grand Canyon Skywalk Complex include a museum, movie theater, VIP lounge, gift shop, and several restaurants including a high-end restaurant called The Skywalk Café where visitors will be able to dine outdoors at the canyon's rim. The Skywalk is the cornerstone of a larger plan by the Hualapai tribe, which it hopes will be the catalyst for a 9,000-acre development to be called Grand Canyon West. This would open up a 100-mile stretch along the canyon's South Rim and include hotels, restaurants, a golf course, and cable cars to ferry visitors from the canyon rim to the Colorado River, which has been previously inaccessible. There are obvious protests to the environmental impact of such a project.

For varying reasons such as the above mentioned, there has been controversy about this project. From Native Americans to environmentalists, the project has been criticized.

Thus, the new Grand Canyon Skywalk has several shortcomings:

It is a long drive from anywhere.

Once you get there, the last 15 miles are bumpy and unpaved.

It is not in Grand Canyon National Park and the views are not as spectacular.

It is expensive.

Cameras are not permitted on the Skywalk.

Tourists are advised to bring sun protections (hat, sunglasses, and sunscreen) because the wait on the lines is long in the intense heat.

The project is environmentally unpopular.

It is a work in progress and resembles a construction site.

If tourists are willing to travel, brave the elements, and cover the cost of this excursion for a once-in-a-lifetime experience, it is important to understand the above variables before they go. Otherwise, it might be a better choice to wait for the site to be better developed.

That’s up to the individual tourist.

- - -

(This essay was published at DesertUSA.com in 2007.)

©2002, Felice Prager. All Rights Reserved. This blog is copyright protected. No item on this blog, including this essay or any photographs, may be used without the author's express written permission.

Surviving in the Sonoran Desert from A to Z

To someone who is just casually observing, the Arizona desert is a strange yet beautiful place. It has some of the most unusual landscapes, wildlife, and plants in the world. The sun shines and things grow. The shadows are mystifying and the desire to explore more is always there. What is over the next ridge? What might I miss if I do not look?Yet, for the unwary, unsuspecting, uneducated visitor who makes too many mistakes, it can be a very unforgiving place as well. One small mistake can turn an afternoon drive off road or an overnight camping trip into a tragedy.

There is a reason cartoons are drawn with human skeletons and animal remains left scattered on the desert floor beneath the desert sun. You can die in the desert!With so many people moving to desert areas or traveling to a desert region for a vacation, it is important to share the truth about desert life and desert adventures. It is also important so safety precautions can be taken to help prevent potential disasters. Man has turned a lot of the desert into Suburbia, but it is still the desert – though camouflaged, and the desert can be deadly. Even being caught on the side of a road without enough water can become potentially dangerous. Yearly, residents of the Sonoran Desert hear helicopters flying overhead, searching the desert arroyos for a winter visitor or careless resident who had not returned from an outing. Regularly, the news carries stories about someone who climbed a cliff and could not negotiate his way back down. Stories abound about people in flooded washes during monsoon season, people who never suspected the severity of a desert environment.Even the experienced hiker can be in a dire situation. Fortunately, most hikers travel prepared for emergencies so they survive and they learn from their errors. With a bit of knowledge, however, and a lot of common sense, tragedies can be avoided completely. There is no such thing as being too prepared when you are in an environment that can pose potential danger. After all, surviving in the desert is nothing more than plain old common sense with a few added bells and whistles.

Rules for Desert Survival

A. Share your plans. Tell someone where you are going and when you plan to be back. Let them know your route and the type of vehicle and communication methods you will be using. Leave a map and do not change your plans without letting someone know. Leave the following information n writing with someone who will be contacted upon your return: ---Your route ---Information about your vehicle ---Information about with whom you are traveling---Potential health issues anyone who is with you might have---What type of emergency supplies you already have with you, including medications.

B. Do not depend on a cellular/mobile phone in these situations, as they do not always work when away from civilization. If you are in doubt, check with your service provider or the link below to confirm coverage areas. It is wise to be doubtful about the promises made about battery life and coverage area with cell phones. Err on the safe side.

C. An alternative to a cell phone is the rental or purchase of a satellite phone. A satellite phone or satphone is a mobile phone that communicates directly with orbiting communications satellites. The handsets can be the size and weight of the original mobile phones of the 1990s. They also have a large retractable antenna. Two large satellite networks cover the US: Globestar and Iridium. Satellite phones work better than cell phones although they require a clear view of a large percentage of the sky to get a reliable connection.

D. A CB or ham radios is another option. Ham radios have the potential to work from very remote locations; however, they are a very do-it-yourself proposition and they require a government license. They also require training and informed gear selection to be of use.

E. Today’s technology provides the adventurer with some newer options. Handheld GPS devices are available. These can provide topographical maps, aerial photography, and satellite imagery for the desert traveler. An example is the Earthmate GPS PN-20 with Topo USA 6.0 National & 1GB SD Card/Reader. This device is low-cost, has high-sensitivity, and delivers capabilities previously unavailable at any price.

F. You can also purchase a personal locator beacon (PLB) - emergency life saving devices that are used when all else fails. A PLB is a small transmitter that sends out a personalized emergency distress signal to your nearest rescue service. They are becoming a highly effective and internationally recognized way of summoning help though they are used only in life threatening situations.

G. Make sure you are using a vehicle that is meant for the desert terrain. If your vehicle does not have offroad capability, it is unwise to make the trip. Make sure you are skilled at maneuvering this offroad vehicle in unusual terrain. Many people buy vehicles with four-wheel drive and assume owning the vehicle makes them an expert. Offroad driving requires the proper vehicle and knowledgeable experience using it in rough areas. Classes are available for those wanting to learn the how to’s of offroad driving. Since many problems in the desert start with a car that breaks down due to ill repair, be prepared for everything. Make sure your car is in good condition with good hoses, a spare tire, spare fan belts, necessary tools, extra gas, water, and oil. A tune-up is wise prior to offroad adventures. Using a mechanic who is informed about the proper maintenance of an offroad vehicle is a wise choice. Make sure your tank is full to begin with. Bring extra fuel.

H. Listen to your body. Bring sufficient water for each person traveling with you. A good judge is one gallon per person per day. With water, the rule is more is better. You can always drink it when you get home if it is not used, but if you do not have it when you need it, it can be a matter of life and death. With water, make sure you drink it as needed. Rationing water can become very dangerous. Often when a person is dehydrated, the thinking processes malfunction. Drink what you need. Don't tell yourself you'll save it for when you really get thirsty. That just doesn't work in the desert. Soda is not a substitute for water as it tends to dehydrate the person drinking it.

I. Respect the heat. If water is limited, keep your mouth SHUT. Do not talk, eat, smoke, drink alcohol, or eat anything salty. Limit activity.

J. Be prepared for emergencies. Have adequate first aid supplies including proper medication for anyone who requires it. If someone is diabetic or asthmatic, it is vital to have the proper medication and enough of it with you. Bring more rather than less than you need.

K. Stay with your vehicle if you have a problem. It will be the first thing found by searchers because it's much easier to detect from the air. In addition, your car has many things to help with your survival such as mirrors, hubcaps, a horn, a battery, lights, a lighter, gas, oil, and floor mats. Raise the hood and trunk of your vehicle to show distress. Pilots and rescue workers look for this as a sign of emergency.

L. Make sure you have a flashlight and check its batteries often. A flashlight without batteries has no value. Your best bet is to put new ones in the flashlight as a safety precaution and bring extras. This is a good time to be over-cautious. An investment in a better quality flashlight might be worth your while in the end. And remember – a cheap flashlight is a cheap flashlight. You get what you pay for.

M. If you are absolutely positive about the route to help either via a GPS device or your confident knowledge of your location, and feel you must leave your vehicle, make sure you leave a note for rescuers telling them who you are, when you left, and the exact route you plan to take. If you don't know where you're going, stay put.

N. Know the desert. Do not sit or lie directly on the ground. Improvise a sunshade and elevate your body. Think creatively with the supplies you have. The ground can sometimes be 30 degrees hotter than the free air temperature. Use a car seat or something to raise yourself at least a foot and a half off the surface. There is also a greater possibility of having a problem with a poisonous insect or snakes when you are directly on the ground. In addition, if your car is hot, it will send the heat to you, so if you can, stay away from the vehicle until it cools down.

O. Protect your eyes with sunglasses. Even though the glare doesn't seem to make a difference, it will impair your distant vision and hamper your adaptation to night vision. It can also cause severe headaches. If you have no sunglasses available, improvise with a sun shield made from cardboard or cloth, a hat, or a bandana. Applying charcoal, soot, or oil around your eyes may help.

P. If you have lip-gloss, use it. Do not lick your lips, as it will hasten chapping and splitting.

Q. Dress properly. Wear the proper foot protection and keep your body covered. The sun can be a killer. Change your socks regularly. Change them even if you are changing to used socks. Sunning and aeration of socks and undergarments have a marked freshening value, physically and psychologically.

R. Do not remove clothing in an attempt to stay cool. This hastens dehydration. Wearing clothes helps you avoid sunburn as well. Cover up your arms, legs, and face as best you can. If you have sunblock, use it.

S. Keep your eyes opened. If you see a dust storm coming, lie down with your back to the wind, covering your head with your clothes to keep dust out of your eyes, nose, mouth, and ears. Make sure you think about the worst case scenario with all situations.

T. If the weather is cool, get a fire started. Always bring waterproof matches.

U. A roadway is a sign of civilization. If you find a traveled road, stay on it. You might find other people on a road who can bring safety to you or you to safety.

V. Keep an eye on the sky. Flash floods may occur any time thunderheads are in sight, even thought it may not rain where you are. Weather changes in the desert quite quickly at times. Do not remain in dry washes (arroyos) which can flood and be quite dangerous, if not deadly.

W. Try to stay under control. There is nothing more dangerous than blind panic.

X. In any survival situation, everything you do must be preceded by the thought: Am I safe in doing this? If there is any question, don't do it.

Y. Use common sense! Lean toward experience if you are not capable. Hire a guide if you must, but never undertake something that you are simply not prepared for.

Z. THINK!


(Published at DesertUSA.com.)

Oasis Park - A 50-year-old Oasis in the Desert

Residents of Oasis Park in Scottsdale, Arizona, have different stories about how they discovered their particular mobile home community and why they stayed. One current resident was on her way to California with her husband 34 years ago. Doctors advised her husband to move to a warmer, drier climate because he was suffering from shrapnel wounds from World War II. The couple stopped at Oasis Park to visit relatives, and fell in love with it. They were torn about leaving. On the morning they were supposed to leave, there was a large earthquake in California. That quickly helped them decide to call Oasis Park their home.

National Geographic magazine photographed Oasis Park for an article about palm trees. In 1959, Jack Bailey’s Queen for a Day flew Mrs. Doris Herbison from Oregon to be Queen of Scottsdale’s annual Parada del Sol; she and her husband were guests at Oasis Park. In 1969, Time magazine featured Oasis Park in a story about immobile mobile home parks, a 1950’s trend that succeeded in some areas and not in others.

Oasis Park is now over 50 years old and has become eligible for historic status. Though HUD once estimated that mobile home communities only had a life span of 14 years, Oasis Park and a few others like it have been the exceptions to that rule. Oasis Park is still a thriving community.
Oasis Park was created in the mid-1950s by a developer who carved almost 15 acres from a Scottsdale, Arizona cotton field into lots, built a clubhouse, and christened the whole place The Oasis. When it was originally built, it was flanked by more cotton fields and it was across the street was a drive-in theater that has been replaced by office buildings. Its history has been pieced together by current residents (some who have been there almost 40 years) from scraps of paper found in the mobile homes when they became residents.

In 1957, the first residents began to move in. At the time, Oasis Park had shuffleboard courts, a putting green, a 54-foot heated pool with a rock waterfall, a library inside the clubhouse, an on-site hobby shop for men, and a pink laundry room with matching pink washers and pink dryers for the women. The amenities alone help categorized the mobile home community as upscale. Eventually 95 couples filled the park, maneuvering massive 55-foot mobile homes into their designated lots. Residents were required to add ramadas to the existing structures, and some opted to add more than what was required.

In the early days, there were weekly potluck dinners usually preceded by fancy cocktail parties. Men and women dressed up. The men wore coats and ties, and the women wore elegant gowns or long Mexican dresses. On other occasions, residents proudly showed slide shows after returning from exotic vacations. There were parties to celebrate everything from Halloween to anniversaries to birthdays, and inevitably, memorial services for residents who died. In its heyday, Oasis Park had an endless array of activities from buffets, pool and poker parties, craft sessions, bingo nights, dances, exercise clubs, and visiting speakers.

Over the years, the residents have included a diamond merchant, bankers, ministers, politicians, doctors and nurses, hairdressers, schoolteachers and college professors, electricians, pilots, journalists, architects, an airline owner, and a judge. Most residents were (and still are) winter visitors, maintaining homes elsewhere. Among the many famous people to pass through Oasis Park over the years were Colonel Earl Henry “Red” Blaik – head football coach at West Point, Hale Irwin – pro golfer, and Paul Parent – right-hand man to Howard Hughes.

Oasis Park residents have never counted themselves among the typical mobile home owners, and Oasis Park was never known as a typical trailer park. Though originally a rental community, residents now own their homes and are shareholders in the Oasis Park Company, the corporation they formed in order to buy the land on which their homes sit. Each resident now 1/95th of the total land and decisions about the park must be approved by the majority.

The community was always meant for older couples whose children were grown. I is restricted to members 55 years old and older. At one time, Oasis Park would not let in widows; however, many of the homes are now occupied by single women. Prospective buyers are interviewed and must be approved by the Oasis Park membership. Though some people might find the rules oppressive – no pets, no outside noise on Sundays and holidays, no clotheslines, and no wind chimes – residents don’t seem to mind. In an area where homes tend to take on a cookie-cutter appearance, Oasis homes are at least twice the original size, and each is very distinctive in style. The original mobile home is still part of the structure – that’s a rule, but each home has a uniqueness of its own – from Kokopelli sculptures to wishing wells, from cowboy weathervanes to unusual lawn statues; some homes are brick, some are river rock, some are shingle, some have brick arches, and some have tile doorways. The yards are landscaped with immaculately groomed citrus, yucca, prickly pear, ocotillo, bird of paradise, and lantana.

Oasis Park still maintains a full schedule of activities – exercise classes, bible study, bridge, and poker. In the summer when many residents return to their other homes, the schedule slows down. Though residents have changed, potlucks are still held regularly and are attended by most members of the community. Neighbors look after each other. If someone needs a ride, a neighbor is available to provide it. When someone is ill, neighbors provide wheel chairs and meals. Oasis Park may be in a big city, but it has the feel of a small town right out of another era.

©2002, Felice Prager. All Rights Reserved. This blog is copyright protected. No item on this blog, including this essay or any photographs, may be used without the author's express written permission.

Originally Published at Rewind the Fifties.


LOCATION:
Oasis Park
6700 E. Thomas Rd.
Scottsdale, AZ 85251

Confessions of a Non-Bungler

"If you bungle raising your children, nothing else matters in life."

Jacqueline Lee Bouvier Kennedy Onassis (1929-1994)

(Originally Published September 1, 2002 by the Irascible Professor)

It's been a tough couple of days. My husband and I drove our oldest son to the University of Arizona in Tucson.

Actually, we followed our son who was driving his pickup truck filled with his stuff. We were in our Jeep filled with more of his stuff. Our son has been shopping all summer for college things that seem to be the retail world's newest niche market. From a computer to plastic stackable color-coordinated crates to extra-long sheets to a dorm-sized microwave to foods especially made for dorm-sized microwaves, the cost of a college education has taken on a completely different perspective in 2002.

"Are you buying carpet for his room?" my neighbor whose daughter is attending the same university asked.

"I didn't think of that," I admitted.

"Did you get her a coffee maker?" I asked.

"I didn't think of that," she admitted.

And then there are the ads on TV: "Dude, you're getting a Dell." In our case, it was a Dell laptop with speakers and a subwoofer, CD/DVD burner, and more bells and whistles than are on my husband's Jeep Wrangler. We agreed that a laptop was the computer of choice since the campus was designed with computer ports everywhere, even next to park benches. My son's girlfriend opted for a similar laptop but hers has wrist rests in midnight blue, which coincidentally match her comforter, sheets, desk lamp, and collection of plastic crates.

On our drive to Tucson, we stopped once on the road and ate breakfast while my husband and I reviewed the rules of credit card usage and anything else we could collectively remember to nag about in our son's direction. I had decided I wasn't going to nag about anything, but everything that came out of my mouth was some sort of directive. I blame it on nerves.

We, as did hundreds of other parents, helped our kid get his things up to his mini dorm room that fortunately is on the second floor instead of the eighth floor of one of many buildings filled with excitedly nervous students and their suddenly choked up parents. We met his roommate and his roommate's parents. On first impression, I don't think they will drive each other crazy or make each other as unhappy as my college roommate and I did when we were younger and less tolerant. I made my son's bed for him although it was unnecessary and stopped the mothering thing when I got a stern glance from my husband as I started hanging up his clothes in his mini-closet that is next to his mini-dresser.

"You made his bed?" my neighbor asked.

"Yes," I answered.

"I forgot to make her bed," she said. "I feel so bad."

"Don't feel bad. She probably didn't even notice."

"Maybe I should drive down and visit her. Would you come with me?" she asked. "I feel so guilty."

"I'm sure she's made her bed," I said, trying to cheer her up. Then we both got choked up knowing we won't be driving down to visit them until Parent's Weekend at the end of October.

My husband, my son, and I took a walk around a very 21st century campus. He picked up his pre-ordered books at the bookstore. "You know this is what you're here for" foamed out of my mouth before I could stop myself from making another unnecessary nagging comment. Our son treated us to super-sized sodas at the Student Center using his prepaid food card that we paid for. And then we left.

On the ride home, my husband and I made awkward, choked-up small talk. We agreed that the University of Arizona is a fine choice of schools. We agreed that if our son works hard and takes advantage of what the university offers, he will have a fine future. There were uncomfortable silences as my husband continued to drive us home and I wiped tears from my eyes as I looked out the window. We agreed that the school makes many things much easier than when we were in college. Our son registered for classes online after a mandatory orientation he went to in late May. He ordered his required books online. I paid for his tuition, books, food, and parking online. Last week he went to his personal account at the University of Arizona's web site and found his schedule in list, graph, and map formats. He (and I) can access anything he needs from this site including his bill, a calendar of events and deadlines, degree requirements, a directory of students and professors, and his grades.

When we got home, I showed my husband the site since he rarely gets a chance at home to get online. After showing him the University of Arizona's impressive web site, we looked up the universities we attended so many years ago and were equally impressed with their web sites. We also felt very old. My husband and I were shocked at how the universities we attended had grown and reminisced to each other about this dorm or that building and things that happened almost 30 years ago. In addition, we reminisced about the agony of getting approval for and registering for classes back in the pre-computer age. We also remembered our parents receiving our grades via snail mail. Back in the Stone Age, the requirements for comfort in our dorms consisted of bringing our torn jeans, an 8-track player, and a typewriter and carbon paper. At the end of the corridor in our son's dorm, there were two old phone booths for pay phones that are no longer there. We remembered the phone messages we each found taped to our doors from our parents when we were in school: "What's the matter? Is your finger broken?" That won't be the case with our son who will be able to be accessed via email or phone at any hour. In our son's dorm, each room is wired with phone access with call waiting, cable TV access, and Ethernet capabilities connected to the university's huge computer system. My son already has a list of reading for one class where he simply clicks a link and an article from the university's main library is accessed. He never has to leave his dorm room. He can access it from any port on campus using his personal pin number. He also has copy machines in the lobby of his dorm. In the days of the dinosaurs, we spent endless hours waiting in line for the required book our professor wanted us to read. My husband made comments when we were in the dorm about how with all the electronic paraphernalia, there was no room to actually "write" on the desks. My son and his new roommate both looked at him cross-eyed as they continued to hook up their printers.

I know I'm supposed to be proud of my son's achievements which gained him acceptance into such a fine university and excited for his potential opportunities, but instead, the shock of my son moving out and being on his own hit me like nothing I ever expected. In fact, I spent the last two days cleaning his room, drowning out the sound of maternal sobbing with a powerful steam carpet-cleaning machine. Not that his room was that dirty, although there were Dr. Pepper stains on his carpet and other questionable marks on his walls hidden from me when he suddenly decided to rearrange his furniture a year ago. So I moved his bed back up against the windows where it used to be so my cats can look out and chase blowing leaves, flying birds, and the occasional lizard that races from one safe spot to the next. I went through my kitchen cabinets and pulled out items no one else in my house eats for my son's first care package. I cleaned the bathroom so my younger son can't say, "He did it!" when it gets too disgusting in there. And I anxiously kept the computer on, hoping to see my son's screen name pop up on my buddy list. It didn't. Instead, the phone rang last night, and my husband, younger son, and I each had a short conversation from our son away from home. We learned that he will be driving home to get his bike. He had originally planned to bring it, but while packing, he made the decision not to. I can't say I'm unhappy about his error.

Then my younger son got on the phone. "We've rented your room," he said. "to a Swedish exchange student named Inga."

It was the first time I laughed in days.

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©2002, Felice Prager. All Rights Reserved. This blog is copyright protected. No item on this blog, including this essay or any photographs, may be used without the author's express written permission.